I’ve joined a couple of wedding groups to maybe get some inspiration and chat to other brides. I thought I might find it hard to fit in – because I’m not an ultra-girlie extravert – and I do find some of the conversations a bit hard to relate to, but I’ve picked up some tips as well – the best of which so far was about wedding insurance. I didn’t even know that was a thing. Fortunately I got ours before the whole coronavirus thing as I imagine it may have gone up now.
Anyway, in one of the groups there was a discussion about what people will be doing with their phones on the day. Everyone said they would be turning it off and leaving it in the hotel room/giving it to a bridesmaid/leaving it at home etc.
I get it – you don’t want to be like one of those people who spends the whole evening on their phone whenever you meet up with them – but some of these things just seemed a bit extreme to me.
So I piped up and said I’d have mine with me. I wouldn’t be looking at it all the time, but it would be on, apart from during the ceremony. I’m quite good at ignoring it when I’m busy, but I at least like to have it.
Also, as a blind person, in a big group of people, I can’t just look around and find people – so if I can message them, it’s a massive help. Not in a bridezilla “come here right now!” kind of way, but if I want to speak to someone and don’t know where they are, the phone is my friend! My maid of honour won’t know most of the people there, and I don’t know what they all look like to describe them to her.
I don’t go out of my way to rebel or to be the odd one out. I think in some ways I just say the thing that some other people are thinking, but they don’t want to be the first to say it. Because as soon as I made my comment about having the phone with me, a whole bunch of others said that they would bee keeping theirs with them too. True, mostly for selfie-taking-related reasons, but they were out there – the phone-keepers! It just took one person to put another point of view.
So that got me thinking – I am a bit different in a few other ways. I don’t actually care about that – I’ve always been a bit of a head-strong “I’ll do it my way” kind of girl – but it did make me smile, so I thought I’d list out some of the other ways as well.
I think a wedding is a real chance for a couple to give their own vibe to the day – to make it special and personal. We’ve got lots of ideas about how we’re going to do that and, especially if you are organising it yourselves, you don’t have to feel constrained by things that don’t fit with your idea of how the day should be.
Usually I do like rules and structure. Rules help us to manage expectations and know what’s coming up. But I guess if a rule doesn’t make sense to me, and I’m not obliged to follow it, I usually won’t!
So here are a few more things:
- I only follow the traditions that I like. These do not include not allowing the groom to see me on my wedding day. However, I’m happy to start new ones too, like the bride doing a speech.
- I’m not making my own confetti, because I don’t see the point of it! It makes such a mess and someone has to clear it up. It gets everywhere and some of it is bad for wildlife. Time and money saved!
- I’m organising my own hen do. Maybe I’m a control freak. But also it’s because I like organising, I want it to be fun for everyone, including me, and I know that most of the people there won’t know each other. Also I don’t want to dump all that responsibility on any of my friends, especially when I know I will enjoy sorting it out.
- I’m not buying into the whole craziness with gifts – a bunch of gifts when you ask someone to be your bridesmaid, more gifts for all your hens, gifts the night before your wedding, and then gifts on the day. Ok the last one is fine, because I want to show people who have helped us that we appreciate them, but what’s with the whole proposal box for other members of your wedding party thing? Fine if you want to do it, but it all feels a bit commercial and social media driven to me.
- I’m not getting wasted on my hen night – because I don’t drink. Yay for no hang-over the next day!
- I’m not going to pick my dress based on whether anyone cries, or not buy a dress I really like because I didn’t get emotional. It’s like a pressure to feel the right thing, but really it’s about what you like and feel happy with. I tend to be a bit more practical, but that’s ok.
- I don’t get excited about wedding stationery. I guess I’m just not the ideal target audience! But that’s the cool thing about weddings – you can put the time and money into the things that you do really care about.
- I don’t ask people I don’t know whether everyone else is doing a thing if I want to do it, or whether anyone else is not doing a thing because I really don’t want to do it. I’m not judging people who do, because it sounds like they just want a bit of reassurance. But what I read between the lines when people do that is “I reeeally want to/don’t want to – is that ok?
- I don’t want a beach honeymoon – because we don’t like beach holidays! We’re still going to have fun though!
- There will be no salted caramel – anywhere! Not because of my allergies – although there will be no allergens either –we just think salted caramel is a thing that shouldn’t be a thing!
- And maybe the most safety-conscious – I won’t be lobbing my bouquet. Because let’s face it, blind bride hurling her bouquet into the crowd is bound to end in tears, or a split lip – but seriously. I’m going to time and trouble deciding on flowers that I like – I want to take better care of them and keep them!
That’s a lot of “I won’t”s! There are a lot of things that we ARE doing to make our big day special and personalised, but I can’t really share those with you yet. I don’t want my blog readers to know more than the people at my wedding. So anyone interested in the details and more wedding content will need to wait till the big day is over next year!
For those of you who are married, are there any traditions that you ignored, or new ones that you made?
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