5 ways I’m kinder to myself now that I’m in my 30s

I don’t think something spectacular happens when you hit your 30s. I remember waking up on the morning of my 30th birthday thinking “I will never ever do this again” after one two many red wines (I’m sure hang-overs get worse when you reach the magic number!), but really it’s just the same as making the transition into any other year of your life. Having said that, I can think of some changes I’ve made since leaving my 20s, and here are five that are for the better.

1. Getting enough sleep

This is more to do with living with a partner I guess. If S goes away on a business trip, I tend to stay up till all hours finishing some task for work, studying, watching Netflix in bed… I’ve never been someone that needs a lot of sleep, but I think I have a better routine than when I was in my 20s.

Back when I lived in London, I was the first to suggest going out after work, and especially as I lived so far from the office, one of the last to make it home. I never thought anything of staying out till the last train and still making it back to my desk on time the next day, running on coffee and very little else.

Then there was the time when I was trying to do a full-time job and set up my own business. The thing that always had to go was sleep. There weren’t enough hours in the day for all the things I wanted to do, so I just made my days longer and cut out on the sleep!

If I got chatting to someone interesting online – no problem! I’d stay up all night and the next day I’d just have more coffee!

I can do these things now in my late 30s, but they catch up with me a lot quicker and I don’t honestly know how I kept up that kind of thing, often doing it more than once a week and then crashing at weekends!

I’ve always had a pretty flexible relationship with boundaries, especially if I’ve convinced myself that I can do something. I guess now I’ve just realised that just because something is possible, it doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. Also I don’t have anything to prove.

Part of the problem in my 20s was that I wasn’t massively happy at work. It was a way to bring in the money to pay the bills and holidays, but I struggled to feel fulfilled, so looked for this elsewhere in my studies or voluntary work – which all happened at some time in the middle of the night! Yes, I’m a night owl, and it’s so easy to fall into those patterns.

Having no 3-hour commute also helps now. I can cook at a reasonable time and don’t have to fight to get my evening back because half of it has been eaten away by time on the train.

2. Saying no to things I don’t want to do

It’s not like I’m the world’s biggest people-pleaser! If I didn’t want to do something, I’d do all I could to avoid it – from the age of about 3!

But I think in the past there were times when I said “yes” to things because I thought I should be able to do them.

I refused to let the fact that I don’t drive stand in my way, so I’d agree to go to something with 2 train changes and a trek into some completely unknown part of town – because I wasn’t going to admit defeat. Now I just think “screw it! That’s more hassle than it’s worth and I’ll spend more time travelling than I will at the event! It’s not worth my effort!”

There were times when I didn’t want to admit that I don’t enjoy really loud places with big crowds – so I’d just go because I had convinced myself that I should be able to deal with it. Now, I can do it if I really have a reason to, but quality is better than quantity, so I’m more choosy about what I commit to. And far from being left out or having less things to do, my natural tendency to get involved in a lot of things means I still have plenty of options.

3. Having a better skincare routine

From the age of about 10 I had one of those plastic storage baskets filled with toiletries, perfume, moisturisers etc. It’s hardly surprising that the interest continued on into adulthood.

It’s not like I never bothered in my 20s, or that I went to bed every night in my make-up. But since starting the blog, I’ve learned a lot more about the products on offer, what my skin likes, and what you need for a good skincare routine. I think, apart from those few hormonal days when it feels like your skin hates you, I am reaping the benefits of this now.

4. Throwing out the shoes that I can’t walk in

It started off as an act of defiance. I was told that, as someone with a visual impairment, I should buy sensible sturdy shoes! So the first chance I got, I bought the highest, most painful heels I could find, and insisted on walking in them! Not all the time, but any time I was going out somewhere. I also kept a pair at work – because even I drew the line at running for the tube in heels.

I wasn’t bad at it either – yay for high pain tolerance threshold. The biggest problem was that my guide dog couldn’t understand why I suddenly wanted to walk more slowly.

To be fair, I didn’t have any shoe-related accidents as some of my sighted friends did. They did make life harder though – I remember on my 30th birthday celebration just taking them off and walking back to a friend’s flat in my tights because I was done with the shoes!

Of course I’ll get some nice ones for the wedding and I do need some new ones anyway, but I’m past the point of needing to prove that I can do something just because someone once told me not to! A true sign of growing up perhaps?!

5. Accepting help

This is still work in progress, but at least I’m getting better at it. I didn’t have any problems asking for practical help from my friends – like the time when I thought I had a mouse (I didn’t) and the time when the toilet cistern fell apart. But when it comes to anything involving emotions or generally not being ok, I’m usually the one who leaves it till the worst has passed and the solution has been found before I tell anyone that there was even a problem.

Relationship break-up? No problem! Wait a month or so before telling anyone so nobody sees you in bits!

The best way I can describe it is using a quote from a book I read – “it isn’t that I always try to keep things from people – it just didn’t occur to me to share”. I was too busy trying to fix things and overlooked the fact that I maybe didn’t have to do it all on my own.

That, combined with the fact that people always came to me with their problems. Somehow they just kind of expected me to be strong and coping with everything. I didn’t like to shatter the illusion! By the time we were done with the other person’s problems, I had no energy left to talk about mine.

Also, I’m not particularly emotional in front of others. That doesn’t mean I don’t have emotions, but I’d rather cry on my own somewhere than have to listen to people trying their best to help but somehow missing the point because they assumed everything was somehow connected with my visual impairment. Blind girls have the same kind of boringly normal problems too – just like anyone else their age!

If I’m angry, the whole world can know about it. If I’m sad, you may well miss it unless you know what to look for.

That isn’t good though, and living with S has taught me that you need to let other people in sometimes. Just because there have been times in the past when I felt pretty much alone with getting problems fixed, it doesn’t always have to be like that. Sometimes there are people there who would be more than happy to help if I’d let them.

Even last year when I had the accident at home in the middle of the night, I could and should have told people sooner. I had countless offers of help – the first message came within about a minute of my blog post about the whole stupid experience. There are people who want to help me, but I have to be willing to let them.

So yeah, still working on that one, but when you compare now with 10 years ago, I am getting better at it.

So how about you?

In what ways are you kinder to yourself than you were 10 years ago? Let us know in the comments.

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Blogmas 2018 -keeping fit this Winter with free, described work-outs

I don’t know about you, but around Christmas time there are more tasty treats on offer, maybe extra glasses of mulled wine or mince pies. So many of us plan to start a fitness regime in January, but really we don’t need to wait until then!
When I stopped my3-hour commute, which involved about 40 minutes walking each way, I knew I’d have to do something about staying fit. I wrote in my post about what I do to try and stay fit – including putting fitness training into my calendar like a meeting that I have to attend, and regularly spending time on the exercise bike and cross-trainer.
My sprained knee from the accident in August has meant that I had to limit some of my exercise activities for a while, particularly the workouts that involved putting my full weight on a leg that probably wouldn’t have taken it, but I’m getting back into it now because the joint needs exercise.
So taking some positive action around exercise doesn’t have to wait till January. You can join a gym, but there are plenty of other things that you can do at home too.
As someone who is visually impaired, one of the problems that I’ve come across is a lack of accessible home workouts. There are loads of videos on YouTube, but they often don’t describe what the person is doing very well, so if you can’t watch them, you can’t really follow along. This is frustrating.
You may remember a while ago I did an
interview with Mel from Blind Alive, who developed a series of accessible work-outs which you can do without being able to watch what the trainer is doing. All of the workouts come with text descriptions of the exercises, as well as individual sound tracks to describe each exercise or position in a bit more detail.
I’ve done the cardio ones and the weights ones so far, but I’m now going to be trying some more because Mel from Eyes Free Fitness is offering a really generous gift. From 21st November to 31st December 2018, all of the work-outs on Blind Alive/Eyes Free fitness are free. The company is closing its doors at the end of 2018, and before then, Mel would like as many people as possible to benefit from the workouts.
I’ve just downloaded the stretch workout, as well as some for yoga and Pilates, which are things that I’ve always been meaning to try and never got round to.
I’ve paid for some of these workouts in the past and I can confirm that they are really accessible, and the positions and exercises are described with words, in a way that I can follow. I would have got round to buying more of them even if they hadn’t been available for free, and I’d encourage anyone who is interested in accessible, described workouts to take a look at the Eyes Free Fitness site.
I downloaded the workouts straight onto my laptop from where I usually transfer them to Dropbox so I can have them with me on my phone wherever I am. There is also an app, which I’m told is accessible, although I can’t review it because I haven’t downloaded it yet.
Although the workouts are available for free, you can make a donation via Paypal, and I know a lot of work went into making these training programmes, so if you are able to give something, I would encourage you to do so. It’s not mandatory though in order to download the workouts.
This post was aimed a bit more at my visually impaired readers, but even if the workouts aren’t relevant to you, there are plenty of small things that you can do for self-care during the Christmas season. These include things like going for walks, which is a great way to clear your head as well as being a chance to get fresh air. Whatever else you may be drinking, try to make sure that you get plenty of water too. You may be having some late nights, but try and get a couple of early ones too so that you can catch up on your sleep.
What else will you be doing for self care in the next few weeks? Let me know in the comments!

Advent calendar unboxing

Throughout Blogmas I’ll be unboxing my two advent calendars from Glossybox and the Body Shop and giving a brief product review.
Body Shop – I didn’t even know the Body Shop did 100ml hand creams, but there is a limited edition one in the British rose scent. The formula of these hand creams is really gentle and nourishing, and whilst rose isn’t usually my go-to fragrance, I’ll be happy to have this on my desk this Winter because my hands do get really dry.
Glossybox – today we got a highlighter brush from Luxie Beauty. I’m not actually familiar with this brand, but it says the brushes are hand-crafted using vegan and cruelty-free materials. As there is a highlighter palette in the giveaway, I’m putting this in as well.

Unseen Beauty Blogmas Giveaway

Today you have another chance to enter my Unseen Beauty Blogmas giveaway. There will be a box with 10 prizes from the Glossybox and Body Shop advent calendars, and the prizes will be revealed throughout December. You can enter once on each Blogmas 2018 page, which means you have up to 24 chances of winning. You can enter at any time from when the page goes live to the end of December 2018.
Multiple entries on the same page will not be counted – I have a spreadsheet to log them!
Your answers to the questions will help me to get to know my readers and where they are based. Also, they prove that you’re a real person as I don’t use inaccessible widgets on my site.
The giveaway is international, but if postal restrictions prevent me from sending a product to your country, I will replace it with an alternative.
The form only goes to me.

What’s in the box?

1. Huda Beauty Winter solstice palate Featuring one pearlescent creamy formula and three icy pressed pearl powders.
2. Spa of the World® French grapeseed body scrub from the Body Shop.
3. Black eye liner pencil from the Body Shop
4. An eye make-up brush from the Body Shop something will be coming later to go with that!
5. Real Techniques expert face brush
6. MUA Cosmic Vixen palette with 15 eye shadows.
7. Karmameju konjac sponge
8. Luxie Beauty highlighter brush
Products 9 and 10 coming soon!

Giveaway entry form

Terms and conditions

1. The give-away is open until 23:59 on 31st December 2018, and I’ll draw the winner on 2nd January 2019.
2. I will give each entry a number and then draw the winner by asking Siri to generate a random number. I want to make it as easy and accessible as possible for people to enter.
3. Your email address is being collected solely for the purpose of contacting you if you win the prize. You are welcome to sign up to my newsletter at the same time, but this isn’t necessary to take part in the give-away. If you do not win the prize, your email address will only be stored if you have signed up to the newsletter or asked for your entry to be carried over to the next give-away.
4. I will email the winner on 2nd January to ask for their address so that I can send the prize. The winner will have 7 days in which to respond. If they haven’t responded after 7 days, I will draw a new winner.
5. No cash alternatives are available and the winner is responsible for checking product ingredients for any known allergens)

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